Fried Rice, made by a white man, for a white man

Fried rice, yummy yummy yummy.  This recipe is the best way to get rid of leftover meats in your fridge.  I'm using chicken for this, but you can put anything in here.  Yup, I make this after thanksgiving too, Turkey fried rice is the bomb.  (do people still say the bomb?)


Anyways, to make this, you need the following ingredients

Basically, rice, onion, meat, egg, vegetable, oil, teriyaki sauce, sesame seeds.

For this round, I'm using leftover unflavored chicken wings from last night.  De bone, Rip/chop up the meat to make it smallish and awesome looking.  I'm not big with measurements and all that, so have a bowl or so, small as you like it.  This is not a cake, do what you want.  More makes it meatier, less means it's more Vegan, whatever(I know it's not vegan, but didn't feel like looking up how to spell vegetarian.)  Throw some oil in your wok(or pan or whatever, I have a wok, wedding present.  If you don't have one, get married.  If you're married and don't 'have one, renew your vows.  Or buy one, or live without, whatever).  Turn heat on high(guys always cook on high heat) and when oil is hot, toss in the chicken. 

Add some teriyaki sauce, couple squirts.  I use Lawry's Teriyaki Marinade, cause it's sweet, and sweet makes me happy in fried rice.  If you prefer boring tastes, you can get a more authentic sauce for a more authentic taste, but since I'm using chicken wing meat leftover from watching a football game last night, I'm not going to pretend that I'm authentic. 

Now you know what it looks like

Stir this occasionally, your heating it up and adding flavor, no biggie.  When you get bored, dice up a large onion.  I do small chunks, but you can do strips if you're feeling like it, whatever works

You will need exactly 4/5's of a bowl with a blue inside for this part(just kidding, I use a large onion, me loves onions, do what you want).  When that's done, if the chicken is all sizzly and awesome smelling, chuck the onions in. 

Add more sauce, add more stirring, enjoy the sizzle, smell the goodness coming forth.  We're waiting for the onions to mostly cook, so stir when needed, but other then that, just chill.  Dance to a song with your kid.  If you must do something productive, we ARE going to need some tiny omelette's for later.  You can make that now if you want.  Chuck some oil in a non stick pan, heat it up, crack an egg in a bowl, stir it up, toss it in when they oil is hot.  You know how to make an omelet, right?  All about patience, or keeping yourself distracted.  Anyways, make some one egg omelette's.  I do three, but again, do what you do. 

I didn't use a non stick cause I'm making some pot stickers later, and didnt' want to dirty extra pans

When the onions are mostly cooked, toss in your rice.  They always say to use cold rice that you have cooked in the fridge.  Who has cold rice sitting in their fridge?  I guess you could make it earlier in the day, but that's probably never going to happen with me, so I just make it right before I start cooking, so it's ready when I am. 

Rice cookers are awesome.  Get married, there are benefits.

I cooked 2 cups of rice with 2.5 cups of water to make my rice, whatever measurement that makes.  Chuck it in the pan, sizzle and stir

Add more sauce, add some sesame seeds.   Most stores have sesame seeds these days, go go get some, it makes a difference.  Stir and add more sauce and seeds as you want.  When the sauce has some time to get in the rice(~30 seconds) add your vegetables.  Whatever frozen bag of crap mixed veggies you want.  I'm using frozen stew vegetables cause having okra and lima beans in my fried rice makes me giggle.  Mix it up and wait for the veggies to warm up.  Did I mention that you might have to turn down the heat to keep the rice from sticking?  Um, you might have to turn down the heat to keep the rice from sticking.  Remember, Martha Stewart isn't watching you, it's your kitchen, control that shit.  Anyways, where were we?  Oh yeah, veggies and, stir that shit.  When the veggies heat up, chop your egg into squares or strips or whatever, and add it in.  Stir.  Taste.  Add more sauce or seeds if you need it.  This makes enough for two adults and a two year old to have dinner, two lunches, and some left to pour out for our homies when we're sick of eating fried rice.  Enjoy!

First attempt at a home made boat, on the cheap.

 


                  I've been reading a lot about one sheet boats, which is making a boat out of one sheet of plywood.  Since I've just moved close to Pugent Sound, figured I'd see what is was all about.  This is the simplest one sheeter I've found, though it is a bit more then one sheet, but we'll get to that.  First off buy a sheet of plywood(4X8, 1/2 in thick).  Find one of the random, roving Lumber dudes, and have him cut it for you, you want 1 two foot piece, and 2 one foot pieces. 

4X8 sheet of plywood, split up for ease.

       Yes, you can cut it yourself, but why not make this as easy as possible? 


       Now, take your two foot piece, and measure out 17'' from one end of the board.

Draw a line and hack that off.  This is now the bow of your ship(bow=front).  The larger piece is going to be the bottom of your boat.

Now, tap some nails into the top of your new chunk, and on the bottom.  DO NOT put the nails all the way through.  Minimize the holes in your boat.  If water gets into the wood, it will die a horrible death on you. 

Tie some string onto the nails, find something to make a 45 degree angle, tighten the string to hold it in place. 

Using a speed square to make my angle. 

Now, grab up your 1' pieces and line them up at the stern(back end) and draw a line for the angle of the bow.

Cut off those pieces.  (I labeled the pieces, so I know which side was which)

Dont' throw that scrap piece out, we will use it later!!  Now, you will need screws(or nails), screwdriver(or hammer) and silicone caulk.  the screws are to hold this piece of crap together, the caulk is going to be your waterproofing.  If your caulking sucks, you will sink.  Silicone caulk is important, it is the waterproof one, it's what you use on your sinks and bathtubs.  If you use some other caulk, do yourself a favor and make something for bailing before you make the boat. 

 Now, you are going to put this together upside down, and putting the screws in the bottom of your boat, so throw a line of caulk down the side of a side, and screw it in place.

 repeat on other side.

 then caulk and screw in your bow.  The better your measuring and cutting was, the easier this will be.  The more you mess up, the more you will be caulking, and the more likely you will fail in your attempt to float.

Now, I said this is a bit more then one sheet.  Here's what I mean.  If you look at your boat right now, you have a bottom, two sides, and a front.  Obviously you need a back.  Grab a piece of scrap from your woodpile(if you have none, you can but a plank, or a smaller sheet of plywood(they sell 2X2 sheets) or go steal from a construction site or something. 

 This is mine, some piece of crap siding piece that was in the garage when i moved into this house.  Put it against the back of the boat, trace where you need to cut it to fit, then glue/screw it on.

 Now, Flip your boat over, and heavily caulk all the edges.  We will be painting the boat later, so these edges are going to be where the water will come in and ruin your weekend, so give it alot of caulk.  After throwing it in, run your finder down the line to help push it in. 

Now, we will be caulking more, one coat will not be enough.  BUT, for this to be as good as it can be, we need to wait 24 hours before adding more.  So, now is the time to beat your chest, grunt happily, and go grab a beer and hang out for the rest of the day.  Don't let anyone give you shit, you just built a boat, so you deserve the rest.  More to follow on this project as the days go by.